The Epic of One Strange Christian

11:06 pm - Cool survey

10:33 pm - And I Surrender

Surrendering is impossible to human nature. There is so much to our nature that wants to compete and conquer; we live as if darwinian evolution's "survival of the fittest" were true. Yet surrendering is what we most desperately need. It is only when we surrender that God gives us the victory, not a minute before. I've been trying for so long to only surrender part of my life, the part I didn't like. Unfortunately, there is so much more of me to surrender than just what I consider bad. These I wrote on a card and put in my journal and I think it would be helpful if you all got to see them. So, here they are:

I surrender my lust gratification
I surrender my personal insecurities
I surrender my need to be right
I surrender my desire to be great
I surrender my fear of failure and uncertainty
I surrender my discontentment with my circumstances

God gets these, and so much more because I belong to Him.

Current Mood: peaceful

11:38 pm - It Has Been Awhile

Wow, the last time I wrote in this journal was on the Nov. 1st. A lot has happened since then, most of it disgraceful beyond writing. I have been brought to lowest depths of depravity and yet even there God has rescued me. I've discovered that I have turned my relationship with God into an intellectual study. As a result I have made changes for the better in my quiet time so that it is once again about my personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

I've faced some disappointments, but as I shared with my 40 Days of Purpose small group, I see these as opportunities for God to work. I have been jobless since March to the glory of God, because that is simply where He wants me right now. Any attempt to change that has been in vain and futile. My last glimmer of prospect evaporated just the other day. I've just decided to accept God's will for me at the moment. I'm very hopeful that God has something planned for me if I can just be patient enough to endure the wait.

Current Mood: thankful

10:44 am - The Assault Resumes

After about a week of living in safety, the enemy attacked again. Vigilance is a virtue that everyone must learn if they are to avoid defeat. I was not vigilant, so I received a pummeling. However, the enemy does not have my heart, it continues to desire to serve only Christ. However, I must admit that a defeat makes it that much harder to win. It has a huge effect on your morale and self esteem and causes you to doubt instead of hope. God does not want me to continue to do this and He will not let go one minute beyond what He needs to allow to bring me totally to Him. This gives me courage and strength knowing that God will help me break this for good, it His work and He's not finished with it.


Until then I will continue to defend my heart and let God push the enemy out of my life.

Current Mood: disappointed

11:29 pm - Something in me is different

I can't begin to describe the change that is occuring in my life. For the last few days I have been constantly washing dishes. Now that would not be significant unless you REALLY knew (then you know that I REALLY don't like to wash dishes) I also without prompting cooked dinner last night, not to mention my driving for more than two and half hours this weekend (I hate driving). All of this is part of the amazing work God is doing in me. I simply can't explain it, it is just happening. I praise God for that, it something I should have been doing for awhile (yes, I'm lazy).

God is so great, and He is teaching me so much. The fact that He continues to knock down the barriers that interfere with our relationship, is enough to sing louder than a thousand angels. God is simply awesome and I owe everything to Him.

Will Mc
Romans 8:37

09:15 pm - God will win the week!

I'm so grateful for what God has been doing over the last four days. God has been so good and has been guiding me into a life that honors and glorifies Him. The lessons I've learned this week will be very helpful to me over the coming months as I believe that my struggle against my sinful and earthly desires has only begun. I've also learned how much more important is for me to give my life away instead of keeping it for myself. Living life in God's presence involves me giving of myself to see someone else succeed to the glory of God. This takes security and confidence, both which I do not posses yet. However, I know God does not call us to anything to He does not equip us to do. So, in the end people will look at my life and be amazed by how much Christ has made the difference.

Will Mc
Romans 8:37

Current Mood: optimistic

11:20 pm - Praise God the Series is Now 3-1

This is the end of a seriously tough day. It isn't over but I'm in the bottom of the 9th and well God has done all the hitting today. Not only has God kept me out of trouble, but He has allowed me to suffer some reproach (however minute that is) for bearing His name. I rejoice to suffer for carrying the name of Jesus Christ, and would rather suffer for good than evil. I've come to see the ugliness that has crept into my heart and how Lucifer is trying to besiege it. Praise God he can never again own it, but he can pummel it to death with relentless attacks. However, I have placed myself in the hands of the Lord and I believe that He will prevail and raise up a standard against the menace.

God will gain the victory and will get the glory for the first win of this 7 Day Series.

Will Mc
Romans 8:37

Current Mood: hopeful

10:18 am - When you're down three days to none

I take courage in the example of the Red Sox. They were down 3-0 in a seven game serious with the "Evil Empire", the New York Yankess. In Game 3 the Yanks really pummeled the Red Sox resulting in one of the most humiliating defeats in baseball history. What was the Red Sox's response? Instead of defeat they sought inspiration and they made the Yanks pay dearly for that Game 3, winning Games 4,5,6, and 7 widening the score gap progressively until Game 7 ended with a 10-3 Red Sox win. For many Red Sox fans the curse is finally broken.

I'm down 3 days to 0, and well this last hit was the worst. The enemy trounced me yesterday in surprising fashion. My nemisis Lucifer, "The Evil Empire" has humiliated me beyong measure and I am utterly exhausted and frustrated. However, I am going to let God inspire me. That's right, I'm going to give everything I've got back to Him and He is going to win this "series" and then He will get the glory for the greatest comeback of my spiritual life. No more defeat leading to defeat, I refuse to live years, like the Sox did without a win over my nemesis. I'm going to trust God and allow Him to empower me to fight the battle that will bring this series to 3-1.

God knows how it ends, and I know that He doesn't want me to sit back and let this happen, He wants me to trust Him and that is what I will do.

Will MC
Romans 8:37

08:30 pm - Battles lost must not turn to more battles lost...

Today I have been defeated by my defeats. It has been a day where I have just been beat up on all sides, and just when I thought I couldn't be hit anymore... wham! If there is anything I've learned is that you can't go on past victories or achievements, because they do not guarantee success today. Another thing you can count is the enemy taking full advantage of your weaknesses. Despite the huge losses, I'm still capable of fighting and that I praise the Lord for. I also praise God for being able to encourage a person whom I believe is a significant inspiration in my life at the moment. This gave great joy and I hope that God used that and other blessings to make their day. I've also learned that old adversaries sometimes stay that way by their own choosing and well there is really nothing you can do about it. I wish them them the best and I hope that one day we'll be able to sit and have a meal together.

It has been an off week so far, and I have not heard about my interview so, who knows what God is going to do. I know if I don't start yielding myself to Him and not other things, He is going to discipline and chastise me for my own good.


Will Mc
Romans 8:37

Current Mood: frustrated

03:30 pm - First Day of Written Odyssey

Wow, I love this site and the ability to post an ongoing journal. Today, well it has been a very difficult and yet a very beneficial day. I know that all of the sucesses and failures in my life are for the purpose of making me into the image of Jesus Christ. Yet, sometimes I in my impatience want to push things along. I want to be perfect in one day, and well God never intended that! A lot of faults I have I yearn like Paul did for God to take them away, yet God seems more content with teaching me to depend on Him, not on an absent of my fault. I guess if I had a positive attitude to the temptations I struggle with then I would see that God wants to refine my character and offer responsible grace. It is just something I need to let God brand into the walls of my heart.

Will Mc
Romans 8:37

Current Mood: contemplative